To Love Me Is To Learn Me.
So there was a recent post going around on Facebook! (I do not own the rights to the original post nor the images created for the post). The post entitled, "If he wanted to, he would..." Followed by images that read don't teach your man how to be your man, don't ask him to care about you, don't ask him to show you off, don't ask him to bring you flowers, don't ask him to plan dates, and don't beg for love. Ending with "the right man will do anything and everything for you." You know the basics.
First off, a man has to choose to be a man for himself; and then for you. Those are basic actions a man should display but let me ask you this. Has your partner been your partner before in this lifetime? The person whom you're interested in, have they learned everything about you the moment you met them to where you no longer have to TEACH them how to be YOUR man?
How can YOUR partner (man or woman) learn to be YOUR partner if you don't teach them how to be your partner? It's one thing to be A partner, but there is a difference to being YOUR partner. Notice A vs. YOUR. We can't read minds. You have to allow your partner the opportunity to learn about you and get to know you. They can observe or listen through conversations but let's be real; some things you are going to have to teach your partner in order to ensure that your needs are being met and that YOUR partner is being the partner that you need.
Let's be real. Your partner can buy you sunflowers, but if your favorite is roses, you will prefer to receive roses. How will they know that if you don't TEACH them that?
A partnership is a commitment to an ongoing relationship. ONGOING. It's a process. In order for your relationship to work, you have to allow your partner to learn you as you learn them. You both won't get everything right, but you can learn everything about your partner to make room to make everything right. Every day I'm gracefully learning how to be a partner to someone in the Marine Corps....chileeeee it's a learning experience on the daily, every minute, but every day, he also is learning me. Love is an action. A choice. You have to choose to learn about your partner in order to love them in the way the need to be loved and fulfilled--love and belongingness stage being fulfilled. You and your partner have to decide to silence society and find what works out for your partnership.
So yes, you can't teach a man how to be A man. That should have already been learned by A man either from his parents, a father figure in their life, a role model, and God himself; but you must absolutely teach YOURS how to be YOURS. Here are some conversations starters to start engaging with your partner more:
How am I being as YOUR partner?
What can I do more or less to be YOUR best partner?
How do you need me to show up and support you more as your partner?
What are some things I can do as your partner to make you smile? (In other words, what do you like?)
Can we do maintenance check-ins? I want to make sure I'm serving you as your partner the way you need to be served in this season.
"Don't let society mislead you. You don't teach a man how to be A man, but you do teach your man how to be your man, as he teaches you how to be his woman. How do you suppose to know what your partner requires or needs withou