As a licensed therapist, it’s important that I did my own therapy journey and healing before helping someone else. I’ve always felt like most of the things I’ve went through in my 26 years of life were never for myself but for someone else. From abandonment, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, intimate partner violence, being a teenage mom and raising a son with special needs, to 3 years later have to grieve my son and give him back to God. I’ve felt like my life has been pain, hurt, grief, and trauma. Hence why I specialize in trauma and grief! 😂 But here’s what I’ve learned: don’t depend on a physical presence.
I planned to have my child at 17. I knew exactly what I was doing and God did too. I wanted to love someone and someone to love me . I wanted someone to need me like I needed them. I wanted someone to care for me like I cared for them. Y’all know what they say about a boy and his mom. God gave me my boy 💚 a very very special boy! I believe God said , “I’m going to give you this child with special needs. I want you to love him unconditionally.” At 17. I took in the task. I was in an abusive relationship with my sons father but in spite of, I still loved. Well, fast forward to 2017. My sweet babyboy passed away. I was devastated. Heartbroken. How could God answer my prayers just to take him right back from me? Why? Why give him to me if he was going to be taken right back 3 years later? I wrestled with that for a year.
Then I started therapy. I was doing work in the physical realm but I was still hurt spiritually. So I had to seek God. Draw closer to God. Because I knew that he gave up his only son but I didn’t give my son up, I had to give him back. I had questions. I had hurt. I had anger. The more I drew closer to God, the more he drew closer to me. Then I finally heard this:
“YOU do not depend on a physical presence to feel loved or to receive love. I loved you from the day you were formed in your mothers womb. I am with you . In your heart. You feel love on the inside even when you don’t feel you receive it from man (not gender specific) . My love is the greatest love you will ever receive. God is love. Not man. Always embrace my love more than love from earthly things or people.
See even though I physically lost my son, I spiritually gained my Father! ❤️ I drew closer to Him. In spite of my sin, I was loved.
I say all this to say, you never have to depend on a physical presence of someone to love them, know they love you. Always choose to acknowledge God’s love. For his love, is the greatest love. Once you begin to acknowledge and receive his love, when people fail to love you the way you feel you should be loved, it will never knock you off your feet. Every physical thing or person will one day, fade away. But the Love God has for you, will always remain!
So in spite of what you may be going through, never depend on a physical presence of anything or anyone to make you feel loved, cared for , or needed (which is a trauma response)
In spite of all my hurt, I still love. ❤️